I woke up this morning and the weirdest thing happened. The first thought in my head was that I don't want to run this marathon! What the?! How do you just wake up one morning and think something like that?
I think I did have a reality check this weekend. I went out Friday night and ran into some friends I hadn't seen for awhile. When they asked me how the training was going, the first thing I said was that I was burnt out. That I just wanted it to be over. I don't think that is the response I'm supposed to be having right now! With less than 3 weeks to go, shouldn't I be excited?! Shouldn't I be telling them that I'm more ready than ever to knock out these 26 miles? That it feels great to be looking towards a taper and resting my body? But that wasn't what I said. I said I was burnt out. Tired. Stressed.
If that is how I feel, how do I expect to get truly rallied and complete this race? I guess at this point, that means this is up in the air. A game time decision. I'm sad about it...and relieved all at the same time. I can think of a number of reason why it didn't work out. And I can think of a thousand solutions if I could do it all over again. But I can't. I am here, 3 weeks from the marathon and severely under-trained. And my knees hurt :)
I've still accomplished a lot this season. I've run father than I ever have before. I've gotten more miles under my belt than I ever imagined at this point in my life. Running became a part of my life again when I was at a point where it was the elliptical trainer or nothing. I've learned about the power of the mind...and the weakness of it. I've learned that my body isn't invincible and I have to learn to work with it and not against it. I've learned that I don't want to do this alone. And that I need the support of my friends and family more than I thought I did. I've learned that Gatorade gives me yucky tummy and Shot Blocs are not the save all :)
Wow...Jon just called me in the middle of writing this and we had an excellent talk about it! Thank you for being a continuous inspiration for me and for always being there to listen to my struggles and have profound words. You help me more than you know and you continue to be my role model in all this!
Bottom line: I don't know what is going to happen on race day. I'm not sure I'm officially ready to concede just yet, but I know that finishing is a long shot. We'll see...
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Funny, yesterday I mentioned on my blog how I gave up early on my long run cause I just didn't want to do it. Same thing happened last year at this point. I got sick of running. I stopped running and paid for it in the end! But, I finished.
20 days! Don't worry about what you haven't done in the past few weeks. Keep on running! Doesn't have to be far, just keep running! Maybe a 3 or 4 miler here and there for the next 2 weeks! Then some rest.
You already paid, you already registered, you already trained. Get your ass out there on the 7th and show that it was all for a reason!! If it takes forever, let it take forever! You're still closer to running a marathon now than you've ever been!!!
Good luck!!!!! When they put that medal around your neck, you'll know it was all worth it!
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